Tahitian Twilight #24
I'd like to tell you about some folks I know - Martha and Ed Greenlee and Debbie and Lou Culpepper. They're typical folks. Ed and Lou work at the local factory that manufactures seats for Toyota trucks. Martha is the secretary at the Mayfriar United Methodist Church and Debbie is the shampoo girl at Evelyn's Clip-n-Curl. This short tale is about the night that Debbie decided to color Martha's hair.
Like most couples in Mayfriar, the Greenlees and Culpeppers have run around together for just 'bout ever. They go to the same church, their kids go to school together, and they are proud members of the PTA. Martha and Debbie have made more than their share of Rice Krispies treats for the many PTA bake sales throughout the years. Martha is especially known for her peanut butter krispy treats, and she'll never tell anyone, not even Debbie, just how much Jif she adds to the marshmallows and margarine. She is very proud that no one has been able to duplicate her recipe and guards that secret jealously. However, I digress, on to the story of the, the night, as it has come to be known
Now, I should inform you that it has become tradition for the Greenlees and Culpeppers to dine at the Ponderosa in nearby Holcomb every Saturday night. They find the Pondersa to be a good choice because of the "boo-fay" where the men can enjoy "wings", clam strips and shrimp while waiting for their well-done, 9-ounce sirloins, and the women eat salads and baked potatoes with fat-free ranch dressing, so as to maintain their figures. After eating, they always head to the new super WalMart for their weekly shopping chores.
During dinner on this particular Saturday, Martha, during one the their trips to the Ladies' Room, complains to Debbie about the gray showing in her hair. "Debbie," Martha moans, "I am much to young to have so much gray in my hair."
Debbie, looking at her friend's hair in the mirror, says, "Now, Martha, there's nothing wrong with your hair that a little Tahitian Twilight #24 can't help."
"Oh, I couldn't," Martha sighs, "Ed would never go for it. Imagine me, covering my gray."
"But Martha," Debbie replies, "You should see Tahitian Twilight #24! It's such an exotic color." Standing behind Martha while they both look into the mirror, Debbie begins styling Martha's hair saying, "Can't you imagine Ed's eyes when he notices the new way you look? He'll not know what is different, but believe me he will like what he sees."
Martha looks at her friend and laughs, "What the heck. I'll get a box at WalMart, and we can color my hair when we get home!" And as she dries her hands Martha says, "How hard can it be? Afterall, you are the shampoo girl, so you should know what to do." With that they head back to the table laughing along the way.
Ed and Lou are in a deep discussion about the early baseball season and whether or not McGwire and Sosa will continue their home-run quests this year. They notice, however, their wives chuckling and ask what is up. "Nothing!" the two women say in unison as they smile conspiratorially at each other.
Later, at Martha and Ed's, the two women finish putting away the WalMart purchases and sit down at the kitchen table with the box of Tahitian Twilight and cups of coffee. The men are ensconed in the living room with cans of Bud and the remote control; they will soon be engrossed in a game. "Well," says Debbie, "Let's get to it."
Martha, by this time, is getting cold feet. "Debbie. Are you sure this is such a good idea?"
"Oh, sure." she replies, "You know Swoosie Clapper, don't you?" Without waiting for an answer she continues, "Well, Maddie put Tahitian Twilight on her last week, and she looks fabulous."
"Okay," Martha agrees, "What should I do first?" And the two of them get down to the business at hand.
Suddenly over the sound of the ballgame, Ed and Lou hear a screech. Looking at one another Ed says, "What the hell do you think they are doin', Lou?"
Lou, scratching himself, eyes still on the game mumbles, "You know those two, they're always up to something. It's probably nothing."
Just then, Martha comes running into the living room with Debbie fast on her heels. "Oh, my, oh, my," she cries, "Look at my hair! What am I to do?"
The men are unable to take their eyes from her as they sit there gaping at the sight of her normally mousy hair which is now a vibrant chartreuse.
Clearing his throat, Ed begins to speak. Martha looks at him and bursting into tears she runs from the room. Lou thunders at Debbie, "Woman, what have you gone and done? What have you done to Martha's hair?"
Debbie, gasping like a fish, swallows and stutters, "B-b-b-but it's supposed to be Tahitian Twilight #24!" Sighing, she drops on to the ottoman looking at the two men, who having forgotten the game, are now focussed on her. "I don't know what happened," she bleats, "I followed the instructions on the package."
Lou explodes, "Good God woman! Do you think since you are the shampoo girl that you are an expert on color?" He gets up and pacing round the room he turns to her saying, "Well, you better come up with something. The poor thing can't run around town with hair like that." He continues, "That hair is the color of the faces of some of the guys who come in to work the line after a long night at Ike's." Ike's is, of course, the local watering hole across from the factory. Also known as the paycheck pincher, it has often caused many a man to tremble in abject fear at the thought of facing his wife the day after payday. "What have you done, Debbie," he asks again, sadly, shaking his head.
"It's supposed to be Tahitian Twilight, and we only wanted to cover her gray! I don't understand what happened," she wails.
"Holy cow," Ed exclaimed, "Isn't that the color that Tex Clapper's wife had done this week? Tex said it was Tahitian .... something .... sounded exotic to me." Looking at Debbie quizzically, he asks, "How did this happen, Debbie?"
"I ... I ... I ... just don't understand," she gasps, "We followed the directions ........ ." Her speech trailing off she sits dazedly upon the ottoman staring from one man to the other. "It didn't seem such a hard thing to do. I've watched Maddie do it so many times."
And that's how it came to be known as the night. As you may have guessed, all ended up well, Martha visited Maddie at the Clip-n-Curl early Monday morning slipping in the back door. She was reported as saying that she will never again spend another Sunday in a turban. Debbie and Martha are still friends, and they still do the "boo-fay" at Ponderosa every Saturday with Ed and Lou.
Want to know something? I swear, if this were the way I wanted to spend my Saturday nights, I would have been straight and married!
